LOWER THAN RAT TURDS
I’ve
hesitated to write about this all week.
I
mean, it’s about my private life and is just so embarrassing to me personally
that I, frankly, really didn’t know how to handle it.
But the truth was bound to come out sooner or
later, so figured I better just tell “y’all” myself before you hear about it
from someone else.
Question:
Would a former state assemblyman using a fake Twitter name write about an
anonymous tip about an anonymous Facebook post accusing me of having an
extramarital affair?
Sure
would.
Indeed,
former Nevada Republican State Assemblyman Mark
“SureWould” Sherwood – whose single inglorious term in office included an
incident where he removed his tie in a caucus meeting, wrapped it around his
forehead and proceeded to run around the room making rat-a-tat-tat machine gun
sounds trying to imitate Rambo – has been hiding behind a fake Internet name,
“Idiot Muth,” for the past year or so.
What
a clever boy. I’m told it took him six
months to come up with that one.
Anyway,
on the morning of July 30, last Tuesday, SureWould, using his fake Twitter name,
suddenly started “Following” me on Twitter.
A few minutes later, at 10:43 am, he posted the following:
“@ChuckMuth I just got an anonymous tip you might be very interested in denying. Follow me so we can take the conversation offline.”
Ah,
yes. A guy who doesn’t have the
testicles to even tweet using his real name receives an anonymous “tip” and I’m
going to “Follow” him on Twitter so I can deny to him “privately” whatever the
hell it is he’s talking about? On what
planet was this goof born?
Oh,
that’s right. Uranus.
Truly,
when I’ve written before that this is the most psychologically impaired elected
official I’ve ever met in politics, I’ve understated the reality. Indeed, it is now painfully obvious that Mark
SureWould fell out of the Stupid Tree as a child and hit every branch on the way
down.
But
back to the story…
Frustrated
by my failure to “Follow” him on Twitter, SureWould then sent the following
email to me at 11:28 am, and copied liberal blogger Jon Ralston:
“I really hope this tip is false. I'm sitting on this pending your response. Please confirm.”
“Sitting
on it, pending my response.” Like he’s
some kind of modern-day Woodward and Bernstein.
This guy really does live in a fantasy world.
In
the email, SureWould copy-and-pasted another email that was forwarded to him by
someone with their name “XXX’ed” out. In
the body of the email was a screen shot of the following comment posted anonymously
on, I believe, the Clark County GOP’s Facebook page:
“My nameLooks like Muth will have to find a new girlfriend since Lake is no longer useful to him. Poor Lake, being thrown out like yesterdays garbage has gotta be hard- lets see if she can take it as well as she could dish it out. Just on a sidenote: the people I really feel sorry for are these two wackjobs spouses. Are they really that oblivious? How completely embarrassing for them that the entire world knows about this affair but they apparently dont.12:36 a.m., Tuesday July 30”
Ah,
yes. And anonymous allegation without
substantiation by an English major. I
mean, what could be more credible than that?
By
the way, the “Lake” these rat turds are referring to is former Clark County GOP
Chairwoman Cindy Lake. But unfortunately for anyone hoping this blockbuster
“smoking gun” Facebook allegation would result in an Anthony Weiner/Huma Abedin stand-by-your-man press conference with
me and my wife, Gia…
Not.
Instead,
Gia asked me to release this official statement from her in response…
“I’m actually quite relieved to learn of this. The truth is, I’ve been carrying on a secret romance of my own for nearly twenty years with one of Chuck’s best friends, George Harris, and have been wracked with guilt over it!“Indeed, I was scared to death that Chuck would find out seven years ago when our son CJ was born bald and with a dark complexion. I thought for sure that would tip him off! I’m just so relieved that this is now all out in the open.”
Damn! How could I not have seen that?
Sure,
George has been coming over to the house delivering milk a couple days a week -
even though home milk deliveries ended sometime back in the 70’s - while I’m volunteering
down at the orphanage. And when he’d
say, “I’m just here to service your wife’s jugs,” I honestly thought he was moonlighting
at Anderson Dairy to help fund his tequila empire.
So I
guess it turns out that I’M the oblivious one!
Naturally,
I didn’t take this news very well, so I called George and reached him on his
yacht off the coast of Ensenada and demanded an explanation.
“It
all started out innocently enough,” he explained, while puffing on a Monte
Cristo. “We were just sitting at the
breakfast table in your house; me in my fake, starched, bright-white milkman
uniform, and your wife in her burqa.
After getting up to pour us both a tall glass of milk, she reached into
the freezer and plopped some ice cubes into her glass.
“Well,
I love ice cubes in my milk, too! Neither
of us had ever met anyone else who drank their milk ‘on the rocks’ and, well,
one thing led to another and it all just got out of control from there. I’m really sorry this happened.”
So
it’s all out in the open now, thanks to crackjack reporting by the intrepid Mark
SureWould who followed up on an anonymous “tip” from an anonymous Facebook
post. I guess I was completely wrong
about that guy. He truly is an
investigative genius in the mold of the Sherlock
Holmes!
Of
course, everyone with an IQ over room temperature knows all of this crud is
made up, including the responses from George and Gia. But would a dumbass, lower-than-rat-turds
former assemblyman-turned-sleuth believe it?
Sure
would.
THE LAS VEGAS “MIRACLE”
SCHOOL
As
you will recall, Dr. Ben Chavis –
architect of an inner city education “miracle” in Oakland - was our First
Friday Happy Hour speaker back in April.
In
his book “Crazy Like a Fox,” Chavis
outlined exactly how he took the American Indian Public Charter School from the
worst school in Oakland to one of the highest performing public schools in the NATION
- all with less money than the “normal” public schools get.
Dr.
Chavis was in Las Vegas again last week as the featured luncheon speaker for
the Nevada Policy Research Institute and his talk further motivated many of us
to attempt to duplicate his success by establishing a school here in Las Vegas/North
Las Vegas that would follow his model.
So
what exactly IS the model that succeeded so wildly – with students who
are almost 100% minority and living below the poverty level who speak English
as their second language?
NEVADA NEWS & VIEWS
FAMOUS LAST WORDS
“French
jewel thief nabs $136M in loot in 60 seconds. To put that in perspective,
that's nearly 20 minutes of government spending.” – Fred Thompson tweet
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