THE BABYLON BEE

 

What a week! Americans were on edge during Biden's State of the Union, watching to see whether he would make it all the way through before the Adderall wore off. Elon Musk dropped flame-throwing Cybertanks into Ukraine, Putin received the Nobel Prize for ending the pandemic, and Apple Maps removed the entire country of Russia! PLUS: We we give you ten things to boycott to protest Russia, 10 EASY things to give up for Lent, and premier the Army's latest inclusive commercial: It's The Babylon Bee Week in Review! Biden Gives Up Coherent Speaking For Lent WASHINGTON, D.C.—This Lent, devout Catholic Joe Biden has announced that he is giving up coherent speaking for the next 40 days...  Read more In this new commercial from the U.S. Army, everyone's favorite branch of the military promotes their new, more diverse, more inclusive standards. From gender reveal grenades to more affirming drill sergeants, the Army is leading the way in inclusion! Brave New Army Commercial Promotes Inclusion And Diversity Elon Musk Airdrops New Flamethrower-Equipped Cybertanks Into Ukraine Putin Receives Nobel Prize In Medicine For Ending COVID Pandemic

10 EASY Things To Give Up For Lent Congress Members Who Just Voted To Legalize Abortion Through 9 Months Criticize Boebert For Incivility Ron DeSantis Bullies Kids Into Doing Whatever They Want 10 Things You Should Boycott To Protest Russia Americans Who Cowered Under Government Oppression For 2 Years Urge Ukrainians To Die For Freedom Russia Removed From Apple Maps 'The Batman' Delivers A Solid Superhero Entry But Fails To Comment On The Hardships Of Trans Lives In War-Torn Ukraine