Stewart Reeves submits:
We have been lied to, some humor and some wisdom
"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the football "...
– John Heisman, first football coach at Rice
"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!"
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall."
- Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."
- Woody Hayes / Ohio State
"In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant."
- Wally Butts / Georgia
"My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor."
- Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades."
- Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
*"Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport. Dancing IS a contact sport."
- Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
*After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post-game message to his team was;
"All those who need showers, take them."
- John McKay / USC
"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb."
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
*Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players:
"He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."
When we win elections, we get good men and women who safeguard our Second Amendment freedom. We get honest judges who uphold our constitutional rights. We get laws that restore lost freedoms and protect our right to purchase, own and carry firearms. We get the votes we need in Congress to make sure gun-ban bills never see the light of day.
But when we lose elections, then we get judges who work to gut the Second Amendment. We lose our lawful right to self-defense. We get legislation banning guns, magazines, and ammo. And a loss in this election would mean that very specific legislation makes its way to Joe Biden’s desk.
Every election is a historic, precious opportunity for the heritage of freedom that you and I work so hard to reclaim, safeguard and defend.
This one is the most precious opportunity of all. The future of our Country depends on your vote
Don’t waste it!
AND
The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.
Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is littered with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.
Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
“The starting pay is $40,000. Later it can go up to $80,000.”
"Great. I’ll start later.”
Trust science. Studies show that if your parents didn’t have children there’s a high probability you won’t either.
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupe melons and no one asks, "What the Hell is wrong with you?"
When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5.
Tip: Save business cards of people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write, “Sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield.
When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
Just once, I want the username and password prompt to say, “Close enough.”
Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.
“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo".
I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like a fine wine. I’m ageing like milk: Getting sour and chunky.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.
Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.
So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
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