ZOMBIES ARE UNINFORMED VOTERS! ALSO DEAD VOTERS!

Dawn of The Dems – The Rise of Zombie Voters
October 7, 2013
By Don Feder

       I hate zombie movies, which remind me too much of politics in the age of Obama. And yet, like zombies themselves, they are almost impossible to avoid.

       In the last three years, Hollywood and Indies have inflicted on us over 50 walking-dead films, including – "World War Z," "Warm Bodies," "Apocalypse Z," "Night of the Living Dead Origins," "Resident Evil 5," "Army of the Dead," "DeadHeads," "28 Months Later," and "Zombieland." Going back a bit further, there was "I Am Legend," a remake of "The Omega Man," itself a remake of "The Last Man on Earth."

       Horror-movie genres seem to come in waves – vampires, werewolves, witches and zombies. The first three I get. Vampires have superhuman strength. They're hypnotic, sexy or scary, menacing or moody, and sympathetic or sinister. Werewolves represent raw, brute force – able to disembowel victims with a single slash of their saber-like claws, but otherwise normal human beings absent a full moon. Witches are good or bad – Glinda or Hillary.

       But zombies aren't even vaguely interesting – other than as another threat to human survival. In most of these movies, zombies are rapidly taking over the world and humanity – on the verge of extinction – is confined to a few heavily-armed enclaves (symbolic Red States).

       Zombies are one-dimensional characters.

       What is a zombie but a brainless, soulless, maniacal eating-machine – staggering through the streets, slack-jawed and glassy-eyed, arms hanging loosely, looking for human flesh to devour? That's the motivation, period. They are slow-moving and emit incoherent, guttural sounds. Their eating habits are disgusting (ripping flesh from victims, their mouths dripping blood and gore). And yet, despite their mindlessness, their mere numbers, ferocity and insatiable appetites make them a menace to mankind.

       They're also a different end-of-the world scenario. We're destroyed not by melting ice caps, contagions that can't be controlled or an alien invasion, but when humans turn into brain-dead, cannibalistic creatures bent only on destruction.

       Much like Democratic voters.

       Every few years, they stagger stupidly to the polls, pull levers or mark ballots for the likes of Elizabeth Warren, Chuck Schumer, Dick Durbin, Nancy Pelosi and Barack Hussein Obama – oblivious of the destruction they wreck. Anthony Weiner, ex-Congressman and underwear model, was too much even for Zombie Democrats to swallow.

       These legions of the might-as-well-be-dead include minority voters, single women, government workers, welfare addicts, yuppies, DINKs, college kids and those with post-graduate degrees, especially in the liberal arts.

       How much thought do Democrat zombies give to the national debt, the economic impact of environmental regulations, government barriers to domestic energy production, the real unemployment rate, or the effect of ObamaCare on job creation. Zombies don't look at charts, examine statistical tables or consider the ratio between federal spending and GDP in the post-war era.

       You: "See, zombie, here's a graph showing that as the marginal tax-rate increases, so too does unemployment." Zombie: "Arrrragh!" First he eats the graph; then he eats you.

       Unlike movie zombies, Democratic voters have primitive brains capable of holding rudimentary concepts: global warming, income redistribution, sustainable growth, overpopulation, sexism, institutional racism, homophobia, "marriage equality," Palestinian statehood, and 30 million without health insurance.

       Above all, elites inculcate the idea that all Republicans are rich, heartless venture capitalists who despise non-Caucasians and the poor and get their jollies from reading accounts of mass killings with semi-automatic weapons while accepting campaign cash from the gun lobby.

       Zombie Democrats are incapable of anything approaching reasoning. Rush Limbaugh calls them "low-information voters." That's generous. They are unable to process information that doesn't fit preconceived notions – novel concepts like children do best when raised in two-parent households and no nation was ever attacked because it was too strong. Evidence is irrelevant. Logic is suspect.

       You: "Now zombie, why do you think states and municipalities with stringent gun control have higher homicide rates than those with easier access to firearms?" Zombie slobbers and shrieks.

       You: "And, Zombie, why do amnesties always result in more illegal immigration?" Zombie looks about for a midnight snack, preferably a Republican.

       You: "Zombie, my friend, if Islam is indeed the religion of peace, why are the overwhelming majority of terrorist incidents, here and abroad, committed by serious Muslims: 9/11, the Ft Hood shootings, the Mumbai massacre, the Boston Marathon bombings, the machete-murder of a British soldier in London, the Nairobi shopping mall murders, the genocide of Christians in the Middle East?" Zombie grunts and sways from side to side.

       Cause and effect are alien to zombies. What happens when they run out of human flesh to consume? Just as Democrat zombie voters never pause to consider what happens when they finish cannibalizing businesses, when all wealth is confiscated and there's no incentive to produce more, and when our mendicant government can't find anyone to borrow from.

       What do we do after Iran has nuclear weapons, try to reason with the most fanatical creatures on earth?

       Thanks to ZPG indoctrination, abortion on demand, taxpayer-funded contraception, the decline of marriage and the failure to form families, most developed nations have below-replacement fertility and rapidly aging populations. What happens when we run out of people? The answer to all of the above is an ideologue in chief who can walk and talk and read a teleprompter but is generally impervious to reality.

       Zombie Democrats come in many varieties:

       Hollywood zombies – Lady Gaga, Bill Maher, Jon Stewart, George Clooney, Steven Spielberg, Matt Damon, Whoopie Goldberg, Madonna – hell, almost the entire SAG membership.

       Media zombies – Chris ("a thrill ran up my leg") Matthews, the editorial board of The New York Times, Barbara Walters, Paul Krugman and almost everyone who appears regularly on CNN and MSNBC.

       Feminist zombies – Margaret Cho, Susan Faludi, Gloria Steinem, Naomi Wolfe and anyone of the feminine persuasion who couldn't get a date to their senior prom.

       Academic Zombies – Noam Chomsky, Ward Churchill, Derrick Bell, Nicholas DeGenova, Leonard Jeffries, Paul Ehrlich, most liberal arts faculties and Howard Zinn – who, unlike the rest, really is dead, but whose theories continue to stagger about. National Review's Jay Nordlinger calculates that in the past presidential election, the faculty and staff of Princeton University donated to Obama over Romney by 155 to 2.

       How do we protect ourselves against the liberal walking dead?

       •   Just as crosses, garlic and sunshine are protection against vampires, liberal zombies are repelled by the Tea Parties, Rush, Ted Cruz, FOX News, NRA members, Sean Hannity, Sarah Palin, the U.S. Constitution, the American flag and the Bible. Try to keep one or more handy at all times.

       •   Like movie zombies, the liberal walking dead are easily distracted: "Look, there's Eleanor Roosevelt!"

       •   Liberals zombies are created not by a super-virus, but by institutions: the mainstream media, public education, and colleges and universities, with honorable exceptions. These are places where brains are eaten. (Anyone who thinks that there's anything approaching intellectual inquiry in academia should see what happens to conservatives who try to speak on campus.) Try to avoid the foregoing and gravitate to the real counter culture: talk radio, conservative websites, Tea Party rallies, and Values Voter summits.

       •   Other brain-eating institutions to be shunned include Greenpeace, labor unions (especially public employee unions) the Southern Poverty Law Center, People for the American Way, the ACLU, the National Education Association, the Congressional Black Caucus and Michael Moore "documentaries."

       •   Don't try to convert zombies. You can't reason with creatures who are brain-dead. When you see them run – fast and far. Do try to keep others from becoming people-eaters.

       Never forget how dangerous Democrat zombies are to life on this planet. Instead of feasting on the warm-blooded, they seek to consume that which makes civilization possible – the free market, the family, individual liberty, constitutional protections, Western religion and a universal moral code.

Don Feder is a former Boston Herald writer who is now a political/communications consultant. He also maintains his own website, DonFeder.com.

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