"Obama's Emergency
Cabinet Meeting
Prior to Midterm
Elections"
from "In Defense of Rural America"
By Ron Ewart, President of
the
National Association of Rural
Landowners
and nationally recognized author and speaker
on freedom and property rights issues
© Copyright Sunday,
September 14, 2014 - All Rights Reserved
This article is also
available on our website at:
"Valerie, I want my entire cabinet, chief of staff and the
entire joint chiefs in my office in one hour. If they can't be here in
person, get them to call me on the video scrambler."
"Yes Mr. President."
An hour passes.
"Valerie, what is going on? No one is here. Where
are they?"
"They wouldn't come Mr. President."
"What do you mean, they wouldn't come!?"
"To a man and woman, they said they were busy Mr.
President."
"Busy!"
Are you kidding me?"
"No Mr. President, I'm not kidding. They said that you
have screwed everything up so badly that they are having to clean up the messes
you made and they don't have time to meet with you?"
"Well we'll just see about that. Get Kerry on the video
scrambler."
"Yes, Mr. President."
"Hi there Mr. President, I know you called an emergency cabinet
meeting, but I just can't make it."
"What do you mean, you can't make it? Do you know whom
you are talking to? I'm the President of the United States for God's
sake. You can't just put me off like this. Where are you?"
"I'm in the Bahamas Mr. President."
"What are you doing there?"
"I'm negotiating a peace agreement between Brazil and
Argentina."
"You're what!!!?"
"That's right Mr. President. Brazil and Argentina are
ramping up the war drums and I have to get them to back off and sign a peace
treaty."
"In the Bahamas?"
"Yes, Mr. President. They didn't want to meet in their
own countries and the delegates forced me to come to the Bahamas for the
negotiations."
"What's all that laughing and giggling in the background
Kerry."
"Oh that. The delegates insisted on bringing their
mistresses with them and we're in the hotel room now, negotiating a peace
deal."
"How many delegates and mistresses are there in that
room?"
"Two delegates and five mistresses."
"John, just what kind of a deal are you negotiating with these
delegates?"
"Well Mr. President, now we are negotiating who gets to sit
next to which mistress. These are very delicate negotiations and there is
some disagreement as to who gets the prettiest one. It's possible that
there could be some violent encounters between the two delegates over
this. But I'm negotiating that too. Anyhow Mr. President, you've
screwed things up so bad, I might as well get some fun out of this thankless
job. And while I have you on the phone Mr. President, your cover up of the
Benghazi attack on 9/11 has really put me in a tight spot. I can't keep
covering up for you forever. One of these days the truth will come out
that you knew the Consulate was not properly defended and further, you gave the
order to stand down to the CIA chief in Benghazi and AFRI-COM because you were
afraid that someone would discover you were illegally using the CIA to run guns
through Turkey into Syria. Do you remember who Ambassador Stevens was
talking to the night of the attack Mr. President? That's right, the
Turkish Ambassador. What were they talking about Mr. President
before our Ambassador and three other brave American's lights were put out
by the jihadists? Running guns, that's what!"
"Kerry, you have no right to talk to me that way! Stop
those ridiculous negotiations and report to the White House
immediately."
"Sure Mr. President, when I'm finished here. I'm really
having a lot of fun with these negotiations. Actually, the Brazilians and
Argentineans are really friendly and gregarious people, especially their
mistresses."
CLICK!
"Kerry hung up on me. He can't do that. I'll fire
him."
"Valerie, get me Chuck Hagel on the video scrambler, now!"
"Yes, Mr. President."
"Hi Mr. President, Chuck here, what do you want?"
"What do I want?!!! You were called to an
emergency cabinet meeting. Why aren't you here?"
"Well you see Mr. President, you have so badly depleted our
military forces with your 'more butter than guns' policy, I'm at dinner
in Paris with the CEO of Lockheed Martin telling him there won't be any more
military contracts and he's going to have to lay off over 50,000 employees
before the midterm elections. He's furious Mr. President and I doubt if he
is going to contribute to any more Democrat politicians for many years to come
and he intends to be pretty vocal about it. He's threatening to contribute
huge sums to the Republicans. This won't help the Democrats in the
midterms at all Mr. President, or in 2016."
"Why did you have to go to Paris to tell him that?"
"That's where he was Mr. President and he was pretty insistent
that I come here. I think he just came from a meeting with some French
generals to see if he could build and sell military hardware to them. He's
really mad."
"I don't care how mad he is. I'm going to follow through with
my social justice policy come Hell or high water and I don't care what happens
to the military industrial complex."
"That's all well and good Mr. President, but the joint chiefs,
high-level officers and the ranks in all of the branches of the service are
rapidly losing any loyalty or confidence in you, if it wasn't lost before you
took office. And what's all this crap about you saying you're going to
destroy ISIS to a manageable level? That's nuts, if I might say so Mr.
President. What in the Hell were you thinking? You can't manage a
bully you can only kill him, especially savage bullies. What military management
school did you attend? And while I have your ear Mr. President, why do you
let Putin push you around? When you drew a red line over chemical weapons
in Syria, why did you let Putin broker a deal instead of blasting the Hell out
of Assad? And where are those chemical weapons now Mr. President?
They were supposed to be taken out of Syria and destroyed. They are still
in Syria Mr. President and I'll bet ISIS would love to get their hands on them.
As you sit on your hands and twiddle your thumbs, if that is even anatomically
possible, ISIS may very well get its hands on those chemical weapons. If
they do, their savagery and killing power will know no bounds. Why haven't
you hit ISIS with everything in our aerial arsenal Mr. President? And
another thing! When Putin started moving into the Ukraine's Crimea region,
why didn't you put an aircraft carrier battle group into the Black Sea and
challenge him? Why do you always have to have a cast of the willing to
make a decision in the best interests of the United States? You are weak
Mr. President and the whole world knows it and it's coming apart at the seams
because of your weakness. Like the military, your cabinet has lost faith
in your leadership, or lack thereof. I have a good mind to resign and
write a book about what I know. Anyhow Mr. President, I have to get back
to my guest now."
"You can't talk to me that way Chuck! Break off that dinner
meeting and
……."
CLICK!
"Now my Secretary of Defense just hung up on me. What's
going on?"
"Valerie, get Jack Lew on the phone will you?"
"Yes, Mr. President."
"This is Jack. What's up Mr. President?"
"What's up! Didn't you get the message
about an emergency cabinet meeting?"
"Yes Mr. President, but I was busy working with the IRS
Commissioner on covering up the e-mails between you and the Commissioner and
Lois Lerner. These guys in Congress, especially that Daryl Issa and Trey
Gowdy, are like a pair of pit bulls. Once they grab on, they won't let go
and we're having real trouble keeping the evidence from them. We're running out
of excuses Mr. President! You better do something before the truth comes
out and they impeach you, or throw you in jail. I'm really tired of
cleaning up your political messes Mr. President. If I had any honor, I'd
resign. In any event, I'm in a meeting with the Commissioner and the IRS
Chief Counsel looking for more ways we can keep the damning Tea Party targeting
evidence out of the hands of Congress. Gotta run now. See ya."
"Wait ……"
CLICK!
"Damn, Jack hung up on me too."
"Valeria, get me Eric on the phone immediately."
"Eric who, Mr. President."
"Don't be flippant Valerie. You know very well who I mean
….. Eric Holder, the U. S. Attorney General!"
"Yes, Mr. President."
"Hey Mr. President, I'm in Ferguson with Al Sharpton right now
trying to create more racial tension and stir up more black votes for the
Democrats. What do you need?"
"What do I need?!!! I called my cabinet
together for an emergency meeting. Didn't anyone call you?"
"Yeah, someone called from the Whitehouse but I didn't answer
it."
"You didn't answer a call from the Whitehouse?!!!"
"No, I'm really busy Mr. President and I don't have time for
you right now and if you have any hope of keeping the Senate in November, you
had better let me do this dirty job."
"But that is exactly why I was calling the emergency meeting.
We have to work together as a team of the willing to make sure that doesn't
happen. We need to come up with a bag of dirty tricks and an October
surprise to stop the Republicans from taking the Senate. They already have
the House. Do you know they could end up with a super majority in the
Senate? This is serious Eric. I won't be able to get anything done in my
last two years. My goal to fundamentally transform America in my image and
my legacy will be ruined."
"Sure it's serious but they will probably do it anyhow Mr.
President. You have messed things up so bad with hiding Fast and Furious,
not closing the border, allowing thousands of illegal kids into the country who
have to be cared for with taxpayer dollars and letting thousands of illegal
alien criminals loose on the streets. What did you expect? Oh and
one more thing Mr. President. You killed the Democrat party by talking us
into passing Obama Care without one Republican vote. The backlash from
that alone was enough to turn the tide to the Republicans. You really
screwed this one up and as the president you should have seen this coming and
done something before it got this bad. Now I really have to go Mr.
President. I'm working with a group to start race riots when they find
that officer innocent of killing Michael Brown. Like the Missouri Senator
said, you ain't seen nothing yet, if they let that officer off the hook.
Gotta run Mr. President. Bye!"
CLICK!
"Mr. President!"
"Yes, Valerie."
"The press just found out that you called an emergency meeting
of your cabinet and no one showed up and they want to know why. Do you
have a statement for the press Mr. President?"
"No, tell them I am leaving for Las Vegas to do a fund-raiser
and I won't be back for several days."
"But Mr. President, the calls are coming in from all over the
United States asking why no one showed up for the emergency cabinet
meeting. The switchboard, the Internet, Facebook and Twitter are on
fire! You have to do something Mr. President! You have to make a
statement!"
"I am going to do something Valerie. I'm getting out of
here. The pressure is too great and I'm turning grayer every time I look
in the mirror. This job is tougher than I thought it would be and even
with all the perks, like Air Force One, golf and the long vacations don't
make this job any easier. These hard decisions I am being forced to make
are making an old man out of me. If I don't get out of here, I'm going to
blow my top. Sick Josh on the press. He lies really good and he'll
be able to spin it so I come out looking good. Oh, and one more
thing. Tell Michelle that I'm leaving. I'm getting more than a little
tired of her nagging and griping. The show girls of Las Vegas will be a
welcome relief."
CLICK!
"Mr. President!"
"Mr. President!"
"Mr. President!"
Valerie gets no answer to her repeated calls to the
President. Suddenly, she hears the sound of a helicopter echoing through
the halls of the Whitehouse as it leaves for Andrews Air Force Base …. carrying
the tired, weary, befuddled and beleaguered President of the United States to a
soft venue. This community organizer, this purveyor of a mirage called
hope and change, this indecisive executive that has been shunned by his own
cabinet, leaves for another fund-raiser for the rapidly declining Democrat
Party, a party that was done in by a slick, silver tongued, snake oil salesman
known by the half-African and half-Muslim name of Barack Hussein Obama. As
the President boarded the helicopter, the marine at the bottom of the stairs
heard the president mutter under his breath, "damn Bush and damn
Hillary!"
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Ron Ewart, a nationally known author and speaker on freedom and
property rights issues and author of this weekly column, "In Defense of Rural
America", is the president of the National Association of Rural Landowners
(NARLO) (http://www.narlo.org), a
non-profit corporation headquartered in Washington State, an advocate and
consultant for urban and rural landowners. He can be reached for comment at info@narlo.org.
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