DOGGONE IT
Why can’t any of my dogs just die peacefully in their sleep?
Late last night our 16-year-old “Heinz 57” suffered a seizure and we knew we had to put her down. As Gia drove us to the Emergency Animal Hospital, all I could do was cradle Rio in my arms and let her hang her head out the back window one last time.
This is the fourth family dog my wife and I have had to pro-actively put down in the last dozen or so years. That the dogs go peacefully and humanely to heaven doesn’t make making the decision any easier. You always think, “Let’s wait another day or so to see if she gets better.” It’s pure agony.
And our tradition of stopping off afterward for a shot and a beer to toast the life of our beloved pet ain’t much consolation. It still sucks.
Rest in peace, Rio.
STUPIDITY VIRUS SPREADS TO NORTHEAST
Members of the Windham school board in New Hampshire are the latest victims of the Stupidity Virus epidemic, which apparently eats away at the “common sense” portion of the human brain of education “professionals.” The board voted 4-1 this week to…ban dodgeball!
"We spend a lot of time making sure our kids are violence free," Windham superintendent Dr. Henry LaBranche said. "Here we have games where we use children as targets. That seems to be counter to what we are trying to accomplish with our anti-bullying campaign."
This comes on the heels of a Baltimore public school recently suspending a child who bit his Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun.
With idiots like this running our government schools, is it any wonder why Johnny can’t read?
RATHEADS IN COKE BOTTLES
Grab your wallet, folks, because three Nevada “Republican” state senators are supporting a new federal law to tax your online purchases!
Sens. “Moderate Mike” Roberson, Ben “Blue Dog” Kieckhefer and Mark Hutchisonalready support extending the $620 million worth of “temporary” tax hikes, and all three recently announced support for a new $780 million tax on mining.
And now they’re coming after your eBay and Amazon purchases!
I kid you not. SJR5 is a resolution voicing support for the misleadingly named “Marketplace Fairness Act” that Republican U.S. Sen. Dean Heller just voted AGAINST a week ago.
My friend Grover Norquist of Americans for Tax Reform refers to Republicans who support tax hikes as “ratheads in a Coke bottle” because they “ruin the brand.” As it relates to Roberson, Kieckhefer and Hutchison, if the shoe fits…
DRIVE-BY MUTHINGS
* A waitress at a Buffalo Wild Wings refused to serve eight Virginia police officers “because their guns were in full view.” The general manager has since issued an apology for his gun-fearing server’s stupidity. Somehow, that doesn’t seem to be enough.
FAMOUS LAST WORDS
“’Cold Dead Hand’ is abt u heartless motherf- - - - -s unwilling 2 bend 4 the safety of our kids. Sorry if you’re offended by the word safety.” - Tweet from actor @JimCarrey about his new anti-Second Amendment music video which ridicules the late Charlton Heston
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