Thursday, December 1, 2011

MUTH'S TRUTHS 12/01/2011

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ARE YOU A LIBERAL, A CONSERVATIVE…OR A SOUTHERNER?

Here is a little test that will help you decide (h/t Vicki Maltman).   The answer can be found by posing the following question:  
You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.  Suddenly a gang-banger with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at your family.  You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.   You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.  What do you do?  
Liberal's Answer:

   • Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
   • What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP?
   • Does the man look poor or oppressed?
   • Is he really a gang-banger? Am I guilty of profiling?
   • Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
   • Could we run away?
   • What does my wife think?
   • What about the kids?
   • Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
   • What does the law say about this situation?
   • Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
   • Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
   • Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
   • Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
   • If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
   • Should I call 9-1-1?
   • Why is this street so deserted?
   • We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
   • Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
   • I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
   • This is all so confusing!

............ ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ........ ......... .  
Conservative's Answer:

BANG!  

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......  

Southerner's Answer:  

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!  
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
Click  

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!  Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!'  

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'  

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!’

TODAY’S “WHERE’S WALDO?” REPORT

Morning Score helpfully lets us know where the GOP presidential candidates are campaigning today:

Cain speaks at Middle Tennessee University in Middleboro and meets with the Union Leader editorial board. Gingrich gives two speeches in Des Moines and then a third at a dinner in Johnston, Iowa. Paul gives two speeches in Portsmouth, N.H., hosts a meet-and-greet in Rochester and a town hall meeting in Laconia. Bachmann has a late day press conference in Fort Lauderdale.

No campaign stops by any of the Republican candidates in the “First in the West/Fifth in the Nation” state again?  I’m shocked.

IN SUPPORT OF THE 1 PERCENT

I received the following from our friend Paul Jacob of Citizen in Charge.  Definitely worth sharing with folks now wearing green-with-envy eyeshade:

Rob Walton is rich, $21 billion rich.

An email I received yesterday from the folks at Wal-Mart Watch (WMW) implores me to click to a website to vote for Mr. Walton as "the worst of the 1 percent . . . the person who is doing the most with their wealth to exploit the rest of the country."

Could this be true?

"The Waltons inherited that wealth," WMW says, "much of it was created by paying many workers at poverty-level wages, offering poor benefits, and lowering conditions in the supply chain by demanding ever-lower prices."

Count me out.

Even Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart, had the right to give his wealth to whomever he wished, especially his children. Besides, as chairman of Wal-Mart for 20 years now, Rob's earned plenty on his own.

The email forgets to mention that Wal-Mart provides more to the poor through lower prices than the federal government provides through food stamps.

And hey, didn't workers at Wal-Mart apply for -- and freely accept -- their jobs? How many "living-wage" jobs has WMW created?

The sentence in bold type signals the real gripe, I bet: Rob Walton has transgressed by supporting causes that "advance a right wing agenda." The Walton Family Foundation (of which he's a board member) has donated to the Heritage Foundation, Cato Institute, school choice groups, and others.

Horrors! If Rob Walton is the worst of the 1 percent, the self-appointed vanguard of the 99 percent ought to occupy a mirror.  This is Common Sense. I'm Paul Jacob.

CAMPAIGN HOT TIPS

I spent the last week going through all of my old issues of Campaign Hot Tips…and compiled 17 of them into one special “best of” report which you can now downloadabsolutely free.  In this 30-page special report, you’ll learn:

  • 1.     The one thing you should do online RIGHT NOW if you haven’t done so already
  • 2.     A “cheat sheet” for dealing with the press: 12 pieces of invaluable advice
  • 3.     How to handle a royal screw-up; a case study involving a media figure
  • 4.     The right way to knock on somebody’s door using “flower power”
  • 5.     A simple way to set up a “clipping service” on the ‘net for your campaign
  • 6.     How to beat the labor unions at their own endorsement game
  • 7.     Putting lipstick on your pig doesn’t make for a persuasive political message
  • 8.     How to win the all-important “Expectations Game”
  • 9.     5 things to do to win early/absentee voters
  • 10.  The worst thing you can do in using a fundraising questionnaire
  • 11.  How to protect your butt against voter fraud
  • 12.  How long should your fundraising letter be? The answer will surprise you
  • 13.  6 secrets to hassle-free photo-ops
  • 14.  How to write and deliver a “killer” political stump speech
  • 15.  A simple, little-known way to get a lot more people reading your campaign blog
  • 16.  A huge mistake being made in email “Subject” lines and what you should be doing instead
  • 17.  Campaign Contracts with Voters 2.0: A Case Study
All capped off with a one-sentence piece of perhaps the best campaign advice you’ll ever get…from the late, great Reagan adviser Lyn Nofziger.

Again, all of this is now available for your reading pleasure absolutely free.

Click here now to download “Best of” Campaign Hot Tips

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FAMOUS LAST WORDS

"He did more than misspeak. He did more than recklessly attack his own base and generally act like the class bully assigned to spend study hall with the chess club. He did more than forget his talking points and display an uncomfortable lack of knowledge of important topics. He simply suffocated. With one disastrous performance after another, he proved that he did not belong on the stage...he has shown in the last five months that he is woefully unprepared to run for president." – New Hampshire Union-Leader editor Drew Cline on why the paper did not endorse Rick Perry (it endorsed Newt), 11/30/11

“(GOP presidential candidate Gary) Johnson said that instead of pursuing the Republican primary, he would consider running as a Libertarian candidate. He first spoke of this possibility to the Santa Fe New Mexican last week. Few in the media actually picked up on this big moment in the Johnson campaign. In their defense, it was on Thanksgiving day." –ABC News, 11/29/11

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